Monday, March 16, 2009

Breaking up and public space - the strange appeal of the movie theatre.

Let's get something straight, I am in a relationship which is well beyond break-up stage. Not that we could never break-up, just that our break-up would be more than a one-off affair; they'd probably be a lot of back and forth.
Whereas for those who have just started going out, it can probably be resolved with a single push. As suggested in Jerry McGuire, a public place is a good way of avoiding a scene. Where better than at the cinema? Picture the scene: a couple walks into the cinema (the breaker and the breakee). Breaker buys two tickets for the chosen movie of the breakee (snacks, drinks, etc.) with plenty of time to spare before the start and keeps conversation to a minimum. Stubs are checked, seats are taken, preferably before the beginning of the "soon, at a movie theatre near you" presentation. Breaker stares at the red curtain, lets the conversation drop and then "listen, [insert breakee's name] ...". Timing is everything and should be assessed in relation to the length of the relationship, as the subsequent conversation must take place: breaker has five minutes to whisper her/his reasons. The presentation starts (remember, talking is still allowed) and breakee has now ten to fifteen minutes to talk / sob his/her way through a half-hearted attempt to salvage what remains of what is obviously a pretty poor relationship (imagine, having to end it at the movies...).
In due course, the movie start, imposing silence over the audience. Breaker to get up and whisper the closure line, leaving breakee to reflect that all is not that bad. "Well, I've got popcorn, a drink and the movie just about to start..."

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